It’s a Nerd thing ......🤦🏻♀️🙈🤔
So my beautiful grandchildren arrived home for a few days. I went to work Thursday but got home a bit earlier to make a nice family tea (Waltons theme tune playing in my head). I’m mid beef cobbler when they descend upon us having been out and about all day. It was at this point that I first heard those dreaded words “Isaac has put a Nerd in his ear” - he can’t have I think, although I can quite see why a 4 year old boy may think mmmm I wonder if this yellow sweet would go in my ear.
After much protesting - man that boy could give Donald Trump a run for his money - we pinned him down. I got the torch out and sure enough as the torchlight shone down his tiny ear canal there lay a glorious yellow Nerd. Right ok it’s time to call NHS direct (although we all know where this is going). My beef cobbler is now bubbling away in the oven awaiting the “cobbles” to adorn it any time now. So there it was the answer we knew was coming - you need to go straight to A and E - mmmmm I look lovingly at my beef cobbler bubbling away - I quickly slap the scone topping on to it - pop it back in the oven and bid it farewell (emotional moment). Would I ever get my tea? Who knew!
So off we go, Isaac is now assuming a crab like position with his head - keep it tilted they had told us, to make sure it doesn’t go down any deeper. Errrr right ok? In he waddles to Withybush hospital - head glued to his shoulder - he is by now (after lots of tears) a little boy who’s very compliant as the realisation has set in that “said sweet” is lodged in there 🙈. The receptionist looks at us like we are a bit mad when we explain why he is looking at her with this strange sideways look - "it’s ok" she says to Isaac "you don’t have to tilt your head anymore, that won't make any difference honestly".
So we perched on the tiny children’s chairs waiting, knees up in our chests (I am actually wondering if I will be able to get up out of this tiny chair. There we were, waiting and hoping this would be an easy extraction (the Nerd not my bottom from the chair)! The fabulous NHS staff don’t keep us waiting long. Amused nurses looking at the bag of Nerds we are clutching - so it was one of these he stuck in his ear we tell them. It’s hard not to smirk but poor Isaac is a little concerned at the implements are coming out and the industrial sized light. Well try as they might with hooks and suction it was not budging. There it was, the next step explained. We are off to Glangwilli hospital next. Isaac leaves the hospital shrugging his shoulders “oh well never mind” he says - he’s missed the point that we are going to another hospital - this kid thinks he’s just going to have to live with a Nerd in his ear forever.
We leave there and decided to go via home as we had no money and thought we may need it to pay for parking. As we run back into the house I think, here is my moment, reunited with my beef cobbler - there she sits on the counter - nicely browned and smelling fab. I whack some in a bowl - moving picnic in the car - sorted.
So it’s now about 9pm and we are all flagging - fortunately we don’t have to wait long at Glangwilli to see the ENT doctor. We pull out our Nerds - the pile now a little depleted due to hunger. Out comes another suction tool but alas another fail. At this point we are told come back to see "Mr Ed" at his clinic tomorrow morning, he may be able to get it out. We would be fast tracked through, first appointment of the day. Oh and they have provisionally enquired about theatre availability and that would be Monday. My confidence levels slipped slightly - like when I watch Wales grand slam hopes slip away.......
Oh man I wonder if Mr Ed knew the pressure on his shoulders - it was him or theatre - so Mr Ed really did have to pull it out of the bag - or the ear! Tired and hungry Mcdonalds meals are called for (not me I’m as full as an egg). It is 10:30pm and we are ordering the patient a cheeseburger happy meal. Oh the irony when they bring it out in a Mr Bump box.
So my day off and we are up and out early. Back to Glangwilli we are feeling a little important - reporting at the front desk - we are here to see Mr Ed - it’s an emergency appointment - not so important when you follow this with “yes he’s got a Nerd stuck in his ear - he put it in there himself, he was saving it for later”. Straight in to (who in my head now I’m calling) Big Ed. Yes, come on Big Ed - think of it like a game of operation with Isaac being the live buzzer. To be fair he was very brave - that may have been due to the levels of bribery which over the course of events had escalated. We went from a Happy Meal, to a Folly Farm visit, to a cuddly toy from Folly Farm, to a large cuddly toy from Folly Farm, to adopting a Rhino - I drew the line at the rhino - where did he think we were going to keep that!
Anyway within 10 minutes Mr Ed had retrieved the pesky sweet with his specialist "hoover" (probably a Henry hoover I expect) - hallelujah - our hero.
From that day forward Nerds were banned in the Hicks household!
The Day I Nearly Bought A Giant Giraffe
The day wasn’t over yet.
After Mr Ed had successfully rescued the offending Nerd, there was still the small matter of a promised trip to Folly Farm…..
Home we go to collect Isaac’s older sister, Isabelle.
Fortunately for me all talk of animal adoption had been forgotten but man he was going to have a huge cuddly toy. That was all he was talking about. I’m nodding and agreeing, secretly praying he’s not eyed up the “giant standing giraffe" - yours fir just a mere £140.
We decide to go to the fairground. Who doesn’t love a bit of hook a duck - Isaac's favourite - he has a couple of goes - the usual - anything from the bottom row. Isabelle rocks up for a go. Well the chances must be slim to nothing but she only goes and scores top shelf. The biggest cuddly dolphin you’ve ever seen (well not life size obviously and alright maybe not the BIGGEST ). This was the point when Isaac felt his world had fallen apart - big tears and tantrum - he wanted a big cuddly toy too. No number of but nana’s getting you a big cuddly toy from the shop was working. Like the fools we are we agree to let him have another go, it was never happening was it. Anything from the bottom shelf. Waaaaahhhhhh - honestly you’d think he’d been told Folly Farm was closing down and he’d never see the penguins again or play hook a duck again. Stress levels are now super charged.
We manage to persuade him to come to the shop for anything his hearts desires (but not the giant giraffe!). What does he want the huge PINK rainbow TY unicorn. I’m all on board - let him have it I say - modern man owning it - you get that one Isaac. He eventually rethinks this and gets a funky blue, purple and yellow psychedelic bear type thing. Oh and please could he have this blue thing because he loved it. “I love it nana, please can I have it, please” - me “What is it?” Isaac “I don’t know but I love it”. “It’s a wind up torch Isaac”. I’m past caring by now and in need of a large red wine. Have the wind up torch I announce - that kid is so full of love for his gullible nana at this point.
So we leave the shop with a large purple blue bear thing, a blue wind up torch and two snap bands for Isabelle. I felt like standing at the till shouting - anyone else having a crisis and need a big cuddly toy in their life to make it all good again - no - anyone like a wind up torch, it is the best thing ever - no - anyone else slept with a Nerd last night (ooops no maybe not ask that question).
So home we go - two happy children - two worn out adults - a pile of memories and two giant cuddly toys.
A day in the life of ......
J C Hicks copyright 21-2-2020
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