The Deep Grip of Grief

The Deep Grip of Grief 

Grief you swarm in suffocating every emotion.

Like a dark substance you silently creep everywhere.

Seeping through every part of my mind and body.

Clouding everything- removing all feelings.

Leaving me numb.

Pain crawling up from the pit of my stomach.

Your grip around my throat is so tight.

 I cannot speak.

I cannot breathe.

I cannot think.

You swept in like someone in a rage.

Turning everything in my life upside down.

Nothing makes sense anymore.

Everything seems pointless.

A deep fog swirling around my mind.

I can’t see.

I can’t hear.

I can’t feel.

Life changed forever.

I sit alone in the darkness.

I don’t want other people's comfort.

Other people's kind words.

Other people's warm embrace.

Other people want to hug my pain away.

It feels like there is no point in continuing.

Without you.

My rock.

My anchor.

Day’s feel endless.

Like there’s no beginning or end.

I feel as if my feet are in concrete blocks.

Every step is an effort.

Every word forced out of my mouth.

My mouth that was once filled with laughter.

I wake up.

Another day ahead of me.

I look towards the window.

I stare at the light forcing its way through the tiniest gap.

I think if that light can find a way to shine through that tiny gap, surely I can find the strength to live my life.

I look at the shard of light, falling onto the carpet.

I track its root - amazed how far that small beam reaches.

I wonder if my life has been as wide reaching.

I look at the sunlight shining in and notice how when it bounces off other objects it changes.

Beautiful lilacs, pinks, yellow, gold and green 

It’s fascinating that one chink can touch so much.

In that moment I realise that I still have so much to offer.

So many other lives that I can help.

I can shine my light into their world.

In their darkness I can help be their light.

I smile - I sense you are nearby.

I sense you are telling me “you can do this”

I sense that I still have a purpose.

This is a new chapter in my life. 

As I start to heal I feel the dark grip of grief lessen its hold on me.

I know that the grief will never leave me - it’s part of me - some days it may be all of me but other days I will be that chink of light and spread my rainbow of hope to others. 

J C Hicks copyright ©️ 19/1/23