One woman went to mow - one woman and her son .....

Well the day was here - issue forced by impending rain - or so Georgie boy advised me (that could just have been a fib to make me do the dreaded outdoor task).  Yes it was time to take on the meadow, the jungle, the luscious green green grass of home.  The lawns need mowing. I got in from work and was told I had about an hour of daylight left so I best get a move on. Ok boss 👌🏻. “ I will get the mower out straight away” I announce in a determined tone. Woah there lady I’m told, he tells me that apparently I have to strim first - really? Is that absolutely necessary- apparently so 🙈😕. So I go to  pull on my wellies (which frankly have seen better days) - I do a quick spider/mouse check before pulling them on but clearly this footwear is not even good enough for wildlife to take up residence in.  I drag the strimmer out - I’m ready for action 💪🏻👊🏻.  In the meantime our son had strolled in through the door - well I was straight on him - come on we are mowing the lawn. He pulled a face, the sort that only a teenager can pull - HOWEVER he is not a teenager - no he’s 24 so he can wipe that look off his face (Andrew Lloyd Webber song there I feel  😂:-
 Take that look off yor face! (Take that look off yor face!) I can see through 
your smile! (I can see through your smile!) You would love to be right, I bet, you 
didn't sleep good last night, couldn't wait to bring all of these bad news to my 
door.
Oh yes he would love to be right - stood with his powerful stance of youth thinking there is no way I’m mowing the lawn. I was there ready, power tripping him by doning my flowery wellies and brandish a strimmer. “Come on boy there is rain forecast”. That pretty much seemed to break him- that or the fact that he took one look at me holding the strimmer in an awkward fashion and thought jeepers there is no way I’m letting that woman take charge of a mower. He was in 😂.

So I was off, plugged in and ready to attack the foot long grass. I have to say I feel an unfair advantage cutting my teeth on strimming  duties at the point when the grass is at its longest and clinging to its winter dampness. Never mind I was away - push the button and just guide it along I thought - easy. Within about 5 seconds a piece of lovely Pembrokeshire slate chipping had found its way out of its winter hidey hole and flew up at speed straight into my leg. Ouch! George found that highly amusing. I carried on like he trooper I am.  I was having a bit of bother with this strimmer it was like it had a life of its own - I had to consult the works supervisor Georgie boy (who is stood despairing, wishing he could just get on with it himself)  - “how do I get all these straggly bits” - easy he says adjust the angle a bit. So off I go twisting and turning the beast around only to look down and see great big clumps coming up leaving bare mud behind. Ooops - I’m sure nobody will notice 🙈😂🙊. No wonder there were bits flying up in to my face - I’m sure that should not be happening. I was glad I wore glasses otherwise I feel you should be issued with safety glases🤓 - and thigh pads! 

 Back lawn done I move swiftly on to the front lawn, which I felt would be much easier as there were boarders so surely the edges would be easier to get at. Well that is when I surpassed myself. I’m merrily negotiating my way along the front border, thinking how lovely the daffodils are looking. This border lark was quite hard I was trying to remember the supervisors instructions to change the angle to get at the different area, the straggly bits - that was when it happened - zzzzzzzzzz oh yes - great I’m thinking - this is going ok - as I then watch to my dismay as I chop the tops off a beautiful clump of bright yellow daffodils. One minute standing proudly upright and majestic next flown at speed across the front lawn. Ooops - again! 

All I can say is thank goodness the boy done good and stepped up and took charge of the mower - I dread to think what untold damage I could have done if I had been let lose with that bad boy 😂. I think I would have been mowing the road 🙈.

I was also saddened to learn that the whole job ended with “housework” as I had to sweep the paths.  “How on earth do you get all that grass off the fabulous Pembrokeshire slate chippings?” I asked the governor.  He just sighs, hangs his head down and says “it doesn’t normally go all over the stones”.  Okay then - little whistle, scuffle of feet - “well I best crack on and get all this kit away”. 

Gosh hasn’t 2019 been enlightening 😂.

A word to all you people, especially my fellow sisters who live alone and to you this is all part of the norm - I salute you. Fair play - I take my hat off to all of you, in fact I think we should all meet at The Plough for a Wednesday wobble gin night to exchange tips.  Can I just close by saying I will not be burning my banytime soon - well let’s face it I could not be trusted with an open flame 🔥🤔🥴🤭.

We are going on a mojo hunt 👀🏃‍♀️

We are going on a mojo hunt I hear myself say
I know I used it recently, why only just the other day 🤷🏻‍♀️.
It seem to slowly wane away when we finished RED
I’ve spent a long thinking about it while lying in my bed.

I definitely had it when January was in full swing
But then without any warning it seems to have gone ping.
I’ve hunted high and low for it but it really can’t be found
Excuses floating everywhere they’re making my head pound!

I really don’t know where to start and hunt the scoundrel down
Should I start by walking or maybe running round and round?
It can’t have wandered very far, it’s probably quite near
Never being able to find it again is my greatest fear 🙈.

The problem that I’m finding is more than sitting still
It is compounded by the fact that I’ve been feeling a little ill 🤧.
I also have a confession that’s one I can’t hide
I’m not sure I can go there but you’ll see it from the side 😂.

You see I’m rather rounder than I ever was before
Don’t faint or start to panic or drop down to the floor.
I’m not expecting an arrival from the friendly baby stork
I’ve been stuffing my face with sweets and delights upon a fork.

So we are going on a mojo hunt to find my fitness friend
I know when I am running my blogs will send you round the bend.
But I really need to seek it out and dust those trainers off
Otherwise when I try and run 10k you are all just going to scoff 😂

I’m going to find my mojo - I’m going to find my feet
My music is all ready and I can run to any beat.
So help me out folks far and wide - Shame me to the streets
Of course you could all just join me - it be really great to meet 🏃‍♀️❤️

The grass is always greener.....

What a glorious day here in lovely Wales - not just because the whole nation is still glowing following our rugby win against the English 😉🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿- but the big yellow thing in the sky made an appearance ☀️. (Can I just say at this point not that I was able to enjoy the sunshine - no I was too busy stripping beds, washing and cleaning my gin bar which is still masquerading as a bathroom 🤷🏻‍♀️).

Anyway I sat at the dining room table, tucking into a roast chicken dinner (yes cooked by me - yes whilst stripping beds and re-making them) - anyway I sat looking out over the garden. The poor winter struck garden - I could see the signs of spring peeping through here and there, the birds were bobbing around filling their faces with seed and nuts - ah idyllic I thought.

It was at this point that this horrific thought popped into my head. Oh that grass is looking long, those shrubs really need cutting back, those tree branches are a bit long - oh no - gardening - I mean gardening that’s surely worse than cleaning - well I’m specifically thinking about mowing the lawn 😱🙈.  “Grass looks a bit too wet to cut doesn’t it” I say to Georgie “well we had all that rain yesterday” he says. Oh yes one week reprieve bought 😂.

So watch this space, unless Georgie boy makes some leaps and bounds with his recovery looks like I will be mastering the mower soon 👍🏻.  Gosh who knew I woukd be learning so much this year - that will be the vacuum cleaner and the mower I will have mastered. I’m such a lucky lucky lady 😂.

No coincidence whatsoever but I have started doing the lottery again #cleaner #gardener #ladyofleisure 😂

Anyway folks we can also all look forward to my return to running tomorrow night. I’ve not run for a whole two weeks which of course feels like a whole year.  I’ve got a sore throat but I’m determined to get my clown feet 🦶 back into my trainers 👟 and have a little run. I have of course stopped running but unfortunately not stopped eating - in fact I’ve done quite a lot of that 🙈so I now have an extra muffin top and an even more wobbly bottom to drag around. Even if I do no more than run from the club start point to my house (which can I just say is not far 🙈) - well even if I just do that I will break that awful mental barrier  that seems to come tumbling down when you don’t get out. I am thinking I may have to do RED March at this rate. Seems I need to be chasing some sort of glory to run 🏃‍♀️ 😂😉❤️.  Let’s get running club under my belt first 😂

#mentalhealth #runforfun #MIND

A working gal 👩🏻‍💻

Here I am - I’ve not gone anywhere - I’m here hanging around like a bad smell 🙈🙊. It’s very difficult when you spend a massive chunk of your life driving to and fro to work and it’s the funniest thing, when you get there they expect you to stay ALL day 😱- bit harsh 😂.  All makes for all work no play..... but hey no worries here I am, home now and it’s the weekend.

Not much to say - yawn yawn - stay with me - it’s Friday night and we have the whole weekend ahead of us.  Very boringly I’ve got a sore throat but it’s ok I’m powering through and just medicating myself with a dark rich red substance - some medicine I picked up - big bottle - excellent value about a fiver - says on the label
MERLOT
Seems to be helping 🍷.

So I’ve been working and my lovely daughter and my two grandchildren have been home all week - oh the beautiful joys of half terms in England and Wales being at different times - thanks for that guys 👍🏻🤨. So off I have gone every morning, being sent to work, with my grandson telling me all the lovely things that they are going to do and asking me “would I like to come?”. No sorry boy I’ve got to work 🙁.  Then every night getting home and he runs up for a cuddle - first thing he asks, as he places his hand on my arm in a concerned movement, “was work hard nana”. One night I decided to say “yes really hard” to which he replied “why nana what did they make you do” 😳.

 They are very excited that we are all home tomorrow - I am just going to have to put all that washing and cleaning on hold until Sunday 🤷🏻‍♀️- what’s a girl to do!

Did have a bit of snigger tonight. My granddaughter had been itching, we could not work out why. Then tonight while she was in the bath she said to me “see nana that’s what I used to wash my body last night” - I looked “that’s not body wash” I tell her. 🙈. “Yes it is” she says  “look it’s called Head and Shoulders”. 🙈🙈🙈 oh dear - I had to break it to her that it’s actually shampoo 😂😂.

Finished the week with some very exciting news too.  Oh yes baby - guess who is coming back and not next year - oh no - not even I the autumn - no as soon as July. Only Martin blooming Kemp - my very good friends were on it straight away - tickets secured 👍🏻😊. Ah man very exciting 😃 - I nearly wet myself! Personally I think he read my blog and thought aw I will go back let that poor old nana squeeze my hand again. Oh gosh I so hope he forgets to pack a shirt this time 😂😂😂. Only kidding 😉😜.

Half term next week - on that note I will just share one thing with you. I work in a school and I’m employed full time so I don’t actually have the school holidays off (no I’m not the caretaker in case you are wondering 😂). It’s really weird when it’s holiday time - the majority of the staff are so pleased to see that half term break (which is very much deserved), so it’s all yay last day, have a fab break etc. I feel like I want to stand on the school steps like a member of the Waltons family waving and shouting “you have a good time Mary-Ellen” “rest up John boy” - I have a vision of me stood there waving them all off, have a fab time, missing you already, see you soon - then I turn close the door and roll up my sleeves and think right let’s get on with it before they all come back 😂. It’s very odd but strangely I do actually still look forward to the holiday times - it’s like having the house to yourself while your parents are away - you love it - but you also love it when they come back too 😘.

Well I best head off to bed - busy weekend ahead of me - oh no wait - Georgie boy has kindly come in to tell me that the washing machine is still full of washing. Gee thanks for that - I’m not pegging out at this time 🤣.

❤️

Out of the mouth of babes 😂

It is hard you know to think about a daily blog - I mean after a full day in work I’ve not got many brain cells left.  So what’s a girl to do - I mean can anyone be creative all the time.... gosh maybe there is some sort of food you can eat that increases creativity- I know wine definitely seems to increase it 🍾🥂🙊. I think blogs won’t be daily.

So all I can tell you today is the conversation I had with my very wise 3 year old grandson this morning.

“What would you like to do when you are a big boy?”
“Mmmm I don’t know nana”
“You could be a dentist”
“Urgggh no thanks”
“Why not - it’s good money”
“Because I hate them yuck blah yuck” (sorry all the dentists - we love you)
“Well what about something like a joiner or carpenter - like your Uncle Dom and Uncle Gary”
“Oh nah - I really don’t want to do anything it’s ok thanks”
“But how will you pay your bills”
“Ah it’s ok nana I will just use all my pennies in my money box - it will be fine. Would you like some of my pennies”

Sorted.

That boy is in for a big shock further down the line.

If only life was that simple - if only we all had a great big moneybox 💰that we could pay all our bills from - like a bottomless pit. The question then would be - what would you do with your day.......can I just say I would not be spending my time cleaning that’s for sure.  In fact I can’t believe I once toyed with idea of setting up a cleaning company - I mean that’s just so laughable- I don’t think I will be getting any sponsorship from Flash or Mr Muscle (no that’s not Mr Kemp🤣) anytime soon!

 I really need to start running again so look out I’m sure there will be some woeful tales of injuries, slow paced runs, music to jog to and just general thought provoking moments soon, as I pull my finger out (well really my trainers👟) and start my 10k training. 10k race when was that ever a good idea and why call it a race - I mean WHO is racing - I am certainly not racing - not unless someone suddenly announced that Martin Kemp was at the finish line and you had to finish in under an hour to meet him 😂😂😂I might get a jig on then (or even pop my roller blades 🤣🤫🤭😜).

Have a fab evening folks - remember if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all 👍🏻
#MIND #mentalhealth #justbeyou #bekind #kindnessisfree 😘❤️🥰

Bed wars - the proof is in ......

Well I think if nothing else this last month or so has proved a point in our house. So while Georgie boy was recovering from his operation he moved into the spare bedroom. I’m not quite sure what threat he felt I posed - maybe he thought I would talk him to death by my endless questioning about bin colours, schedules, bin day protocols etc 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Anyway off he took himself to the sanctuary of the spare room.   Now we’ve had a long standing discussion in our house over who is the bed hog and duvet thief - well I think this temporary move has proved all the guilt lays at Georgie boys door.  I have been waking up, slipping out of bed - bed looks almost unslept in - duvet clearly and firmly still in situ.  Now as for the patient’s bed - wow looked like it had been put right through the ringer. I mean can someone explain to me how you end up with the bottom end of the duvet at the top of the bed? How?  It explains so much. You know when you get that feeling, when you are fast asleep and you feel like you are falling - oh yes I would wake up with that feeling but I would actually find myself clinging to the edge of the bed, like a cliff face, clutching the tiniest corner of the duvet. I would glance over and there the boy would be wrapped up in the duvet like it was some sort of cacoon- lying right in the middle of the bed - snoring or grinding his teeth 🙉.

So it’s been rather odd this past few weeks having the bed to myself. Anyway with family home for half term the decision was forced - he was moving back into our bedroom. I assured him I would not be jiving, jogging or waving my arms about - I felt sure I would not be causing any threat to his recovery.  I mean I may try and run the odd 10k in my sleep in 30 minutes (now that really is in my dreams 😂🏃‍♀️).  So all is well - all back how it should be.

However Sunday morning it was like one extreme to the other! There was me, George, then Benji the bonkers Jack Russell, Lady Lumpy Lucy Lou who takes up a far chunk of space to be fair (bless her) and next our granddaughter trots in followed by our grandson - yeah at that point I thought there are six in the bed and the blogger said “I will get up and put the kettle on - I love being up at 7am on my day off” 😂.

Oh the joys of dogs and children .......... mind I am finding our 3 year old  grandson extremely helpful - give him a duster and he will happily polish away and is delighted when you give him 50p for “helping poor nana” 😂.  Cinderella’s apprentice has arrived 👍🏻. Unlike my daughter who was horrified that I had not dusted the glass door frames or the skirting boards - oh and would seem that I have completely overlooked the shelf where the Sky box is - think she could write her name in it - oops 😬 🙊. Cleaning is clearly NOT my forte 🤦🏻‍♀️

The morning after the night before...

Well didn’t Cinderella coming crashing back down to earth this morning.  Stumbled out of bed, far from bright eyed and bushy tailed - more like sleep deprived and weary.  No time to rest though as my lovely husband reminded me several times over my cup of tea - you've got loads to do - I've got no clothes to wear - the Tesco man will be here shortly..... repeat a few times.  Alright, alright - so off I trundled to strip the two beds and get that bad boy washing machine going.

Both beds stripped, machine going on second load, tumble dryer working its magic - lovely man had been and delivered a shed load of groceries ready for the arrival of daughter and 2 grandchildren.  Husband still making encouraging remarks about the speed and pace I was working at - yeah ok mate - that rainbow of shots from the previous night may have been slowing me down a bit.

Georgie boy then felt he best point out that the dining room floor and kitchen floor had not been cleaned for 7 days and he had no clothes to wear - yes alright - on a bit of a loop now.  I went into the bathroom thinking I best sort a load of laundry out - get the patient some clothes washed - that was when I was met by the sight of Mount Vesuvius - it was like the laundry basket had turned into Audrey II out of Little Shop of Horrors and someone in this house was playing the part of Seymour - "feed me - feed me now" - jeepers feed me now they had! The washing was flowing out - the lid would not even shut.  Man I needed to get going on that next.

Audrey II - I am convinced my neighbours have been dropping their washing in here

Given that said washing machine really was working as fast as it could tasked with washing bedding and towels at this stage all I could do was start the dreaded cleaning.  Off I went with my duster and polish - quite the Mary Poppins I was.  Then I swept the floors - this made George very happy. It is also made Benji the bonkers Jack Russell happy - he thought this was great fun, yes I get it he thought she pushes that furry thing around the floor and I try and catch it.  Once I have it in my mouth  I don't let go and she will then swing me around 🙈.  Eventually he was put into detention in the kitchen - the other side of the stair gate - hah I win.

Well floors superbly swept, just the mopping to do (in between re-making beds and folding washing) - now my son's lovely girlfriend gave me a top tip for mopping.  Fill the bucket with water out the freshly boiled kettle - it dries quicker. So I had duly followed this tip.  I get my newly acquired mop (no previous owners - only used twice) and dunked it in.  I was away - have this lot done in no time I thought.  Popped mop back in for a swill and freshen up - went to squeeze it - spongey bit fell right off back into the boiling hot water 😞.  Well what was I to do?  The water was too hot to retrieve it and once retrieved I really had no idea how I would re-attach it.  My resident cleaner is by this stage having a nap (well he is recovering from his operation so I can't knock him really) mmmm what is a girl to do.  So I found some tongs and threw sponge into the sink. Aha - stage one complete! Mmmmm 🤔I thought, what to do next - the spongey bit did not look like it was going back on there. So I wake resident cleaner - my mop is broken I tell him thrusting said mop into his face.  Oh dear he says, that will have to be glued back on - can't do that until it is dry. That is probably due to lack of use, it has dried out too much.  Yeah not helpful.

Oh dear - that ain't cleaning anymore floors today

The floating spongey bit having a steam bath

So here I am once again having to resort to my good old hands and knees with the trusted floor cloth. Well by now sleep has left George, he finds this highly amusing - feels the need to watch this mission.  Honestly when he said "that cloth is far too wet,  you need to wring it out more" I nearly got up off my hands and knees and rubbed that cloth in his face - if it had not taken me so long to get down there I would have.  I was thinking I bet Martin Kemp's wife does not have to scrub her own floors - I bet she has a cleaner..... At this point I am now thinking that there will be an escape because as I left the gig last night my glass slipper fell off my foot - so any minute now Martin Kemp would be at my door, clutching my glass slipper and asking "is this yours JoeBlogs"? Why "yes" I will say - "have your brought your Marigolds Martin because you have got a lot of cleaning to do"followed by "I am off for a run".

As if to prove my theory right (I had powered through and washed all the wooden floors - way to many - I am so going back to carpet right through)  my daughter and our 2 grandchildren arrived and walked all over my lovely clean still wet floors.  Really? Within an hour the lounge looked like some sort of mini toy explosion had happened.  What is the point?  Watch out tomorrow though - I have assigned my 2 little munchkins jobs - told them I will pay them £1 each.  They think I am the best Nana Jo-Jo ever 🤣.

Anyway I really have to go - I can't be spending any more time blogging - I will level with you - I have to put that washing machine back on because I have no clean pants and what if Martin Kemp did call with my glass slipper I really would have to pack fast - a girl cannot go without her "smalls". 🤣

Touching Martin Kemp

Well what a night - Cinderella you shall go to the ball - so I dug out my glass slippers, pulled out my sparkly top and away I went with Murph and Spence in tow.

I could not quite believe that THE Martin Kemp was going to be in our local joint - spinning some 80s tunes in a DJ set. So exciting.


So off we set - quick stop off at the local gin bar where we promptly ordered vodkas ??? Yes I know but like the Nolans were "in the mood for dancing" I was in the mood for copious amounts of vodka 😂.  Bumped into some old school pals who were really upping the anti by knocking back Blue Moons - now that is an 80s throwback.

Then we were off to the venue - I could hardly contain myself - the real live Martin Kemp - sex on legs lol 😆. Our excitement was promptly halted when we saw the queue for the bar - huge - massive - very slow moving. So we hatched a plan - we would each ask for a pint glass with 3 vodkas in it and topped with coke - we weren’t revisiting that queue 👍🏻 result. We finally get to the front where the bar woman clearly thought we were complete alcoholics - however when she explained that there was an offer on doubles so did we want a double and a single........ woah there lady - no way - make that a double double 😂. Now she really did think we were alcoholics.

Clutching our very expensive pint glass  - plastic but full of liquid gold - we decided yes we really did need a wee now. Well clearly there was no way could leave our drinks anywhere so they would have to come with us - now that’s another 80s throwback I really didn’t want to revisit 🤦🏻‍♀️. Well would you believe it - as per the norm - massive queue.

Finally bladder emptied - drink in hand - we were ready! We found our spot and awaited the arrival of the gorgeous hunk that is Martin Kemp 😍.  He arrived - all in white - he seemed to have a problem with his shirt though - it only seemed to have 2 buttons on it. It was most distracting. I mean I kept looking at his rippling chest instead of listening to the music. I really could sew him a couple more buttons on that shirt if he wanted.

This man needs more buttons on his shirt  - or less maybe 😏😊

Anyway I set my sights on my mission - I needed to work my way through the crowds to the front - yes the game was on - I was off - dragging Murph n Spence with me.  Banging 80s tunes playing, busting my moves - oh yes I felt sure he was beckoning me to come closer. Finally we made it - the front - inches from him - my hand was up - I was in for the kill. Then that glorious moment when he reached down and touched my hand - I mean I felt 18 again - weak at the knees - mission accomplished- yes 🙌🏻. Happy happy bunny. Yes I will just remind you all that I am 51 and a half and yes this is ridiculous behaviour - I blame the vodka.

He played my song as well “when will I will I be famous”😂. My night was complete when he played what is probably one of the best tunes of the 80s - Tainted Love. Now that’s a tune. What a night - non-stop dancing - I was a big sweaty mess by the end - that was an attractive look. 🙈.

Then it was over - Martin Kemp has left the building aw nooooooo 🙁. As I turned to head off - well to be honest - to head back to the bar 🙊I bumped into an old friend I’ve not seen for years. What a glorious moment - despite my sweatiness (apologies for that) we hugged and hugged - was fab to see her. Shame we hadn’t seen each other earlier - to be honest I probably elbowed her out the way at some point as she was also on target to get a hand squeeze from Martin 😂. A girl after my own heart.

So it was a final trip to the bar where we decided it would be a great idea to order a rainbow of shots 🤦🏻‍♀️ When is that ever a good idea. I have to let you into a little secret here - you see I spent my youth, my 20s, 30s and my 40s  not able to do the whole shots thing. Then at the ripe old age of 50 I mastered it (I know it’s not big - it’s not clever) but I’m quite chuffed that I finally mastered this art - trouble is I’m now a bit like a kid in a sweet shop. Ohhh lets get shots - lets try all the colours - again again again 😂.

Fabulous night - oh Cinderella you certainly did rock that ball. 💕💃

Friday feeling - favourite things 🤔

Oh it’s nearly the weekend - oh joy that makes me think it’s nearly time for a few of my favourite things.........

Polish on dusters that makes things all shiny
Hoovers that glide on that carpet so tiny
Mops that slide seemingly over the floors
These are a few of my glorious chores

As for bin day
I don’t know what to say
How to work it out
I simply refer to the book of the face
Coz you know you can trust your mates

Mountains of washing that’s all in the basket
Clearing it all would be flipping fantastic
Baths that need scrubbing
Til they’re squeaky clean
As for the loo well quite frankly that’s mean

When it’s over
I’m exhausted
Simply fit to drop
But I simply remember my bottle of red
And the sound of the cork ......goes pop!

Cheers 🍷

#weekendchores
#joy
#domesticbliss

Run - or not ......🙄

Arhhh so I know I made a massive public commitment to running one mile today - I think I may have even have said at a minimum one mile but here’s the thing - I know excuses excuses but well as you may have guessed my poor trainers have not seen the light of day since Monday. Gosh they will be getting some sort of deficiency due to lack of miles, movement and sunlight.  On the plus side they will last me much longer as they are on a very slow wear and tear programme 😂.

Anyway I had a very long day in work today fuelled by a pain au chocolat (squashed having been in my work bag all week 🙈) and a mini bag of popcorn - these are not really “brain” foods - I didn’t really start the day much better with my crunchy nut cornflakes (they were good though)! Hey ho! Anyway I get home and I just thinking I can’t do it - I’m too tired - I’m flipping hank Marvin starving - then the really important “excuses” kick in. Mmmmm I need to wash my hair because tomorrow night I’ve got that date with Martin Kemp. Well ok I say date ...... there may be a few others there - well I say a few others - a few hundred others. Ok ok ok I’ve got tickets to go to the Martin Kemp 80s disco night - so CLEARLY I have to sort hair out (i.e. wash it and stop rocking the pulled through a hedge backwards look), I need to straighten my hair, should do my nails (may just do a touch up job there), but more importantly I really need to conserve my energy. I mean man I’m going to have to bust some funky dance moves tomorrow night plus I may even dig out my “Fame” leg warmers so that will be extra weight on my legs - I mean that’s virtually a gym workout right there - I mean have you seen my leg warmers - there is a lot of leg to keep warm you know!

So there we are - I am ashamed to say I did not dig deep and power through - I mean I barely even took a teaspoon and scraped the surface. As soon as my brain started processing my needs for my 80s night all running was quite frankly off the cards. I expect I will probably dance the equivalent of a marathon tomorrow anyway 💃.

I am in complete denial about that 10k race at the end of March - oh dear that will be me at the back of the pack again hoovering up all the sweets the kids are handing out and giving out high fives ding dong (pretending I’m some sort of celebrity 😂). Perhaps that’s why I inadvertently told someone this week “oh yes I’ve got that fun run at the end of March” - well the moment it’s not fun it’s not worth doing - is it? 🤔😜🤣🏃‍♀️🥰

Remember that saying - dance like nobody else is watching - try it sometime - I recommend it - who cares what you look like #justhavefun #strutyourstuff #ownit

Macdonalds run

I had an interesting encounter at the toll booth on the bridge on my way home. So I’m in the car radio blasting out - I’m singing along. Normally when I approach the tolls I turn the radio down - “do the deal” that magic ticket seems to open the barrier every time (anyone would think I’d paid hard cash for it) and I’m in my way.

Well tonight I must have been in full flow as I put my window down, grasping my “magic ticket” and singing along - only it was a song which predominantly was ohhhh ohhh ohhh - so I turn full face to lovely toll booth man ohhhhhing realising that all he ses is my face turning and looking like I’m giving him a big pouting look - except to be honest if you saw my face trying to pout looks more like I’m passing  wind not passing off sexy vibes 😂🥺😗🥴.  I hold my ground and continue my ooooohhhing and in my desperation to get on my way nearly drive into the barrier - thank goodness for the little beepers in the car telling me there is an obstruction -  I mean I would never have seen that great big barrier otherwise #notsafe 🙈.

Now the root cause of my distraction was probably this. This was my head all the way from work. Hop in to the car - mmmm running club tonight - shall I go? Mmmmm shall I? Shall I? Quickly turning to mmmm run or Macdonalds, run or Macdonalds, run or Macdonalds, Macdonalds, Macdonalds 🤷🏻‍♀️🤔..... no run yes run - mmmmm but what are we going to have for tea - I hate cooking - Macdonalds - run and so on. As soon as I crossed that bridge and rolled down the hill seeing that big gleaming M ahead of me the decision was made - Macdonalds it was then. I don’t even really like Macdonalds but clearly my hatred for cooking is stronger than just eating anything hot and quick, whatever it is 🍔🍟....

Oh dear - mind aren’t heated seats wonderful - I popped the seat heater on to keep my takeaway warm 😂 well it was a toss up - I mean I didn’t want to blast the heating up because I had those fresh cream cakes in the footwell to protect 🙄🤭🤔 - yeah ok epic fail on the fitness and diet front today 🙈🙈🙈.

So I will commit here and now to a one mile minimum run tomorrow night - well I will try ......🤣🏃‍♀️     Watch this space folks.........

Toothbrushing the unconventional way

Well I don’t know why I worried about what I may write about in a blog - what a start to my day!

We all know that it was bingo day today - what’s that I hear you say - you know that Russian Roulette game we play with the bins each week  - or bingo. So I have a poorly hubby following a big op - 31 years and never had to put the bins out - I know it’s shocking - shocking 😱. So I have to play the bingo game - trying to work out the colour combination each week and hoping I’ve cracked it. Well this morning it was a full house - despite consulting Facebook (or book of the face as I fondly refer to it as - I don’t know why 🤷🏻‍♀️), despite consulting FB friends the night before, by morning I got up and had forgotten it was bin day. Anyway I fortunately remember before I leave for work so I crack on lugging the bins down the drive (which I have now decided is way too long 🤔) - I get all the colours, all the shapes down there feeling very pleased with myself but now really behind schedule.

Off back into the house I go - brush my teeth I think and I will be off. So I have this weird habit - I can’t just stand in the bathroom brushing my teeth - I feel the need to wander around the house - maybe even multi task, donthe odd job  - although options are limited one handed.

 This morning for some reason I thought I would let the dogs out in the garden while I walk about brushing my teeth with my bright pink electric toothbrush. Benji our very naughty tigger like Jack Russell decided he would hop over the gate. Oh bother I think - as I climb over after him - still brushing away. Now he usually has a sniff around on the drive - quite frankly following the bin smell I thought. Oh no - no that will be the scent of another dog he had just picked up. Next thing he’s off down the pavement. So here I am - picture the scene - running through the village clutching my pink toothbrush, which is still whirring away, chasing a super fast Jack Russell. I’m screaming Benji Benji Benji through a mouthful of toothpaste foam - thinking ah man I can’t swallow this 🙈. There ahead of us is Benji’s prey - a poor innocent man walking his very well behaved dog - ON THE OTHER SIDE of the road 😱, so panic increasing now as I’m eyeing up the speed of old tigger legs, me, the dog walker and the cars! Fortunately the sympathetic dog walk could read the situation and crossed the road and bent down to stop the hurtling beast from getting any further. You would not think I was a runner as I arrive, spluttering through toothpaste foam I’m really orry, sooorrie, dankqu fanks, oh hee hee I was brushing my teeth 😂😳🤦🏻‍♀️. Mortified.  I laugh trying not to cover the  poor man in disgusting toothpaste foam and turn carrying dog, whirring toothbrush and what was left of my pride back to my house. The dog walkers walk of shame. Benji at this point looking at me like shoot I think I’m in trouble. Oh yes young man you are but luckily for him I’m by now running so late he’s off the hook.

So the moral of the tale - just brush your teeth the conventional way 👍🏻

Cinderella- fake or hard core bird?

Saturday rocks.... or not .....

Well today I’ve felt a bit like Cinderella - clean clean clean clean - the only difference being is that I had my slippers on and these bad boys never tranformed into golden slippers -  and I’m still waiting for my fairy godmother (clearly a sat nav malfunction there 🙈🤦🏻‍♀️).

I mean who decided we should live in clean houses 🤷🏻‍♀️. For goodness sake it’s beyond. Washing machine going flat out - dusting, polishing, hoovering, defrosting the freezer, making beds for munchkins (who are due very soon ❤️) I even ditched the mop and got on my hands and knees people - on my knees - scrubbing away. And then........... people just walk on the floor anyway proving my point that it is pointless wiping the flipping things! 🤔

I put all the clean washing away off the dining room table and here is Joe Hicks’ top cleaning tip - if you cover the dining room table with clean washing you don’t need to dust it. 👍🏻Thank you - no charge for that tip - I am here cleaning this bungalow until at least April 😱folks and happy to give my top tips 😜🤪. (Waiting did poorly hubby to recover from his operation - there will be a massive handover of the mop and vacuum cleaner - I do not want or need these items in my life 😂)

Another brilliant idea I have had - I’m officially disbanding the area formally known as the “bathroom”, “toilet”, “loo” - whatever you call it.  I think we should all just pee in the garden - like the dogs (poop n scoop 🙊🙈🤣 - sorry) - then when it’s raining just strip off and get your body buff out with your shower gel - soaking up nature.  What about those long hot summers I hear you say ...... I’m just going to jump in the mill pond - I mean people pay good money for fish to eat their dead skin - come on folks - you know it makes sense. This cleaning lark is just pants - so that would be one less room to sort. I could transform it into a gin bar. Now that’s a far better use for it surely!

Finally I don’t wish to burst any fairytale bubbles - but I don’t think old “Cinders” could have had it too bad - if she would have been cleaning and scrubbing all day as she claimed and then at the drop of a hat (or a pumpkin and some mice) put on her golden slippers and boogied away until midnight she clearly hadn’t been putting her back into her cleaning duties 😂🤔💃. #tired #onthewine #glassofred #ortwo 🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷 #justforfun 😜😘

Can anyone blog........?

I will start with a mini introduction - so don’t be rude with your great big air yawns, rolling eyes thinking here we go ANOTHER wanna be blogger! I live in a very small village in Wales - the land of song n all that - my life is very hum drum - nothing special - I’m one of life’s plodders - just like you maybe? Or the guy next to you, the lady across the road - whoever - just one of those people who just gets on with their lives thinking it’s quite normal and boring. However I do like to try and find the humour in things - or I seem to attract bizarre encounters.

I’m married - I’m a lifer -30 odd years - still smiling - well some days! I despise housework and I’ve been very lucky to have a hubby with mild OCD 😜- so he hoovers like a pro, cleans the floors, does the dishes and the washing - I know right - you all thought that man did not exist 😂 - I have kidnapped him and I’m not letting him go.  I also took up the hobby of running 10 months ago and this is where the seed was sown to dabble with blogging. I’m not a “proper” runner - I gasp and Jeff my way around the village - feeling like my chest is going to explode and I may pee myself. So not a pro and certainly not fast - but I don’t care - I’m faster than the person sat in their couch (that is not a challenge by the way if you happen to be a sub two hour marathon runner 🏃🏻‍♂️ 🏃‍♀️- remained seated on your couch my friend 😂).

No - stop don’t walk away - it’s not another running blog! I do use the time I’m running to let my mind run wild and just see what pops into my tiny little brain that may amuse folks. Hence Joe Bloggs was born - aged 51 (and a half 😜) - a diary for someone whose never quite grown up 🤔.

All I want is for everyone to learn - just be you - if we can just accept who we are and what we’ve done and become thats surely half the battle!  I’m a great believer in nursing our mental health - like the moment we wrap our hands around a steaming mug of hot chocolate with all the trimmings - cream going up your nose as you slurp it and it gives you that lovely warm glowing feeeling. We have to find the hot chocolate that soothes our mind and soul - whatever it is for you - running, swimming, lazing by the fire,  reading a book or jumping in the sea starkers (maybe not when it’s -1 though 🙈).  If you can’t find the medicine to feed your mind then you need to talk about it - the stigma around mental health and not saying how we are feeling can quite frankly pack it’s suitcase and move on - the only we can do that is to talk the blighter out!

So I hope you can join me - my take on every day things with hopefully a twist of humour. Interested? Come on in - what have you got to lose - five minutes out of your day to read about some strange welsh woman’s take on life - well I’m just being me.......how about you?